Classic: Utter Trash

Here's a classic funny moment from my college days . . .

I was in a fraternity in college, and it was a blast. One particular night, I was standing on the front porch on "front door" duty (basically making sure guests had student IDs and not letting in townies) with my "little brother" Stephen when we saw two girls run out from behind the house towards the street. We quickly noticed they carried a large metal trash can (you know, one of those fancy annodized aluminum ones). By the time the girls hit the street (I'd already had a few drinks), we realized that it was our trash can.

Now, if you've ever met me, you know I'm not built for speed. Stephen wasn't either.

As we couldn't leave the door unattended, Stephen stayed and I bolted after the girls. They had taken their heels off so they were moving quite briskly. However, they were carrying a huge trash can and I caught up with them right outside the President's (of the university) House. As I grabbed the can, they let go and continued fleeing.

Completely incredulous of the whole event, I started screaming at them: "What the hell is wrong with you? Who steals a fucking trash can! Get the fuck out of here! You're fucking retarded!"

Right as I uttered "retarded", the lights on the 2nd floor of the President's House lit up and I saw movement. Needless to say, I booked it out of there with the trash can as quickly as I could.

We never heard from anyone about that, but the campus cops showed up about five minutes later.