Ahh, The Wonders of Fatherhood

Joe: I have figured out how to balance my son on my chest while I work on the laptop
Joe: I feel awesome

Who Needs MLB Gameday?

Me: hey pudge doesn't suck! just hit a single
Me: hey betemit doesn't suck! just hit a single
Me: awww crap melky sucks

I love my coworkers.

"Hey Ed, suck it!" --Matt

Beware the Mystical Tomes

"It's like a magical poem."

The Answer Man!

Ed: because basically until we have AI that works, auto-GC will not work.
Ed: the best we can hope for is something like Newton's F=ma, which is close enough for most everything
Ed: but enough of that
Ed: I'm a GC/threading/struct master in .NET now
Ed: ASK ME A QUESTION
Ed: HIT ME
Edith: when synchronous methods are invoked, in what order do they get cleaned up?
Ed: RANDOM ORDER
Ed: fuck I dunno

Don't Piss Off Annie

"Even CVS knows I'm a bitch lately... they mailed me free tampons."

If Then Else

Brian: heh, im an ass. i had to go through my email  and remove my sly comments that i added without thinking
me: hahaha
me: well you're not an ass, you just lack tact sometimes
Brian: nah, the tact lack is chosen
me: then you are an ass

Has A Cool Nickname

The top two are the best:

Who Are You?

I got back from my honeymoon on Thursday and went to the mall on Saturday. I saw a coworker there and spoke to her:

Me: So did the office function without me?
Shana: You were gone?

I guess they did.

It's Like Metal Gear But Without Pants

During the walk to lunch one day...

Ed: Now's your big chance Arthur, you could pee your pants right now.
Arthur: I could.
Joseph: But do you have any clothes to change into?
Arthur: Yeah I have three pairs of pants at the office.
Ed: But do you have any underwear?
Arthur: No, I can just go commando.
Ed: But your balls will be soaked with urine. 

Ben and John only heard that last line. Needless to say, they were confused.