Who Are You?

I got back from my honeymoon on Thursday and went to the mall on Saturday. I saw a coworker there and spoke to her:

Me: So did the office function without me?
Shana: You were gone?

I guess they did.

It's Like Metal Gear But Without Pants

During the walk to lunch one day...

Ed: Now's your big chance Arthur, you could pee your pants right now.
Arthur: I could.
Joseph: But do you have any clothes to change into?
Arthur: Yeah I have three pairs of pants at the office.
Ed: But do you have any underwear?
Arthur: No, I can just go commando.
Ed: But your balls will be soaked with urine. 

Ben and John only heard that last line. Needless to say, they were confused.