Thursday, May 31, 2007

It's A Two-Fer! (With Bonus Nonsensical Segue)

Ed S.: I heard it sucked. I also heard it's awesome. I also made both of those up.
John L.: well, Ed. One of those is what I heard, too.
Eric M.: :P
Ed S.: I bet it was the last one.
Ed S.: that I made them up
Ed S.: because I issued a press release to that effect
Eric M.: Hahaha
Ed S.: why did ebay buy stumbleupon?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

It Must Have Been a Big One

On Julian Tavarez: "He looks like he spent too much time inside a vegetable crisper."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Brent, RIP

In honor of Brent, here are two of my favorite Brent quotes:

Ed: well the idea still exists, but no one has invented my weather toaster yet
Brent: Now I want some toast.

Ed S.: I hate it when I'm ordering stuff from amazon and I'm literally 3 cents short of free shipping
Ed S.: WTF
Brent N.: TF is that you're three cents short of free shipping.
Ed S.: I know.
Ed S.: what on amazon costs $0.03?
Brent N.: Free shipping, in your case.

Monday, May 21, 2007

A Rare Glimpse Into The Bedroom

A preface: You know how writers attempt to put sounds down with letters? Like typing "Ow!" or "Arf!"? And how sometimes those letters should be interperted directly, like "Ow", and sometimes they require some imagination, like "Arf"? Well, all of the sounds in this post should be interperted as the former: exactly as they're written.

On to the story!

This weekend, I was laying in bed, under the covers, on Saturday night watching TV (yes, I have an amazing social life) when Annie walked in. She looked at me and said jokingly, "What happened to the romantic man who proposed to me?"

So, without emotion, I flipped off the covers, posed in my ratty Jets T-shirt and baggy boxer shorts, and said "Rrrowrr". I must have looked about as sexy as the hobo who lives in Back Bay subway station.

Friday, May 18, 2007

The Time Has Arrived

laptastic: oh man i just pwnt a group
edgesmash: argh
laptastic: 2 x sprees
edgesmash: I hope you enjoy halo 3 while I write sql stored procedures
laptastic: 3 x double kills
edgesmash: Select * from Halo_3_Users where not_playing = true
edgesmash: 1 row(s) returned
laptastic: edgesmash

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Crippled Beyond Repair

Eric M.: wow, one click shopping is pretty awesome
Eric M.: now that I've set it up
Eric M.: it' click!
Eric M.: don't click it by accident!
Eric M.: It makes more willing to buy things, because the hassle is so low
Eric M.: it's a blessing and a curse
Ed S.: right
Ed S.: well it's a blessing to Amazon
Ed S.: I will never enable it because it would feed my impulse buying
Ed S.: which I've curbed so well that I almost never buy anything
Ed S.: it takes me weeks of deliberation to decide which bread to buy at the supermarket

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Dead Reckoning

During one of my first trips home with me driving, I was still figuring out exactly where to go, what roads to take, and how far things are apart. I would travel on Route 84 in Connecticut, a long highway that travels the long way across the state.

My parents called and wanted to know where I was. Seeing as how I didn't have a map or know the area, I said, "Well, if you were to draw a line down the middle of Connecticut, I'm on the left side of that line."

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

GA: Gumaholics Anonymous

Ed S.: I used to down a whole bag of big league chew in like 15 minutes
Ed S.: then I gave up gum for like 10 years
Ed S.: now I'm back
Ed S.: but I'm on Stride now.
Ed S.: it's like low-tar cigarettes
Eric M.: Wow dude.
Eric M.: That's a past.
Ed S.: Yeah, it's tough
Ed S.: My roommate like 2 years ago told me I "HAD" to try this gum of his
Ed S.: It was like Trident Ice or something
Ed S.: and I did... after not having a piece of gum for 10 years
Ed S.: and it sucked.
Ed S.: goddamned peer pressure

Friday, May 11, 2007

What Not To Do In Life: Rule 1

Yesterday Annie and I were driving home from playing a little softball with some of our teammates. She wanted some beer (Blue Moon, specifically), so we kept our eyes peeled for a liquor store. On Mystic Ave, she spots the Atlas Liquors. I'm driving around 40MPH, and Atlas is coming up really fast, so (after checking my mirrors) I hit the breaks hard. I then see that the curb ends much farther up that I thought it did, but it is somewhat rounded. So I cut in, bounce over the curb, brakes squealling, and pull right into a parking spot perfectly.

Annie looks over at me with this embarrassed look. I say "What?", then I notice three people inside the store staring out at us... and one of them's a cop! Annie refuses to go in, she's so embarrassed by my entrance. I take another glance, and the people are still staring. So I do what any redblooded American would do; I threw the car in reverse, and very carefully left the scene.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

So Look in a Mirror and I says to myself, "Self..."

After reading this post over on Lifehacker, I decided to Google myself. I hadn't done that in a while, so I figured it was a worthwhile exercise. Here's the link, and here's the results:

  1. I'm Funny (Roughly) Once a Day
  2. (college newspaper)
  3. My LinkedIn page
  4. Comment on Giant Robots (Eric's company's blog)
  5. Another comment on Giant Robots
  6. My Amazon Wish list
  7. Comment on John's blog: "Venture Brothers Season Two changed my life. Fuffletonia also changed my life."
  8. Website for my college senior project
  9. Email I sent while working at Tufts in the ResNet department
  10. Email I sent to the author of an industry newsletter I subscribe to.
At first, I was totally stoked: I dominate the first page of results. Then I thought: "Oh nuts, IFOD is number one, and my comments on Fuffletonia are up there too?" How is this going to look to a recruiter or potential boss (or even current boss)? Then I laughed, long and hard, because this list really summarizes my life. We've got stuff from college, both academic and work, we've got my personal life (IFOD, wish list), my professional life (LinkedIn), my love of testing (GR), and my inanity (not sure if this is a word... just pretend it is).

Good thing I don't have any porn on my wish list.

Sunday, May 06, 2007


Annie: Smell my breath!
Ed: Um... smells like alcohol.
Annie: Smells like peppermint!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

This Is Not The Blog Post You Are Looking For

I was in the car with Annie the other day. I started to tell some story or something, but was distracted by something or other.

Annie: Anyway, what were you saying?
Ed: Um, ah.... I don't remember. Pretend I said something funny.
Annie: [laughing hysterically] You're so funny!
Ed: Yeah, I crack myself up.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

He Was Such A Good Boy

Ed S.: 05/01/2007 15:46:43 - Too many errors detected, bailing out
Ed S.: 05/01/2007 15:47:24 - Going to bar to get trashed
Ed S.: 05/01/2007 21:32:11 - Sleeping with cheap hooker
Ed S.: 05/02/2007 04:13:09 - Realizing I left the stove on
Ed S.: 05/02/2007 5:31:52 - Seeing house burned to ground
Ed S.: 05/02/2007 5:32:06 - Collapsing in tears
Ed S.: [the life of a bad build]

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A Mystery Fit For Sherlock Holmes

Joseph: Hey Ed, can I borrow your scissors?
Ed: Sure. [hands over scissors]
Joseph: Thanks. [cuts things]
Joseph: Here you go. [starts to hand scissors back]
Ed: Actually, I think those are yours... See, a while back, a pair of scissors mysteriously appeared in my apartment. The day after that, a pair of scissors mysteriously disappeared from my desk. There might be a correlation between those events and a potential third event, wherein a pair of scissors mysteriously disappeared from your desk and appeared on my desk.