Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Matter of Perspective

Annie: What do you want to do tonight?
Ed: We could just sit and stare into each other's eyes lovingly.
Annie: Awwww!!!
Ed: But that gets boring fast.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Texts From a Christmas Party

Me: What are the names of the counselors from our youth group? They're here and I don't want to embarrass myself.
Bill: Doug and Kelly. Give them my regards. Sorry I never called back.
Me: Thanks. That's ok, I know you're a jerk. Your mom says hi.
Bill: We are at Grill 23 eating steak.
Me: You son of a bitch. I just had a kobe beef slider, but you're going to have a whole kobe beef steak.
Bill: Yeah not going to lie this place is amazing.
Me: Doug and Kelly say hi. Sue and Wendy say hi. Sue says you're a deadbeat

Monday, December 21, 2009

Facts of Life

"I don't know anything. Well, I know two things. I know I love you, and I know Cheetos are delicious. That's it." --Me, to Annie

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Family Planning

Me: So I heard you're getting engaged.
Sally: So I heard you're making little Ed-babies.
Me: Well, it looks like we're all moving forward.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Aiming High

Ed: are you president yet?
Joe: working on it.
Ed: come on man
Ed: I can't wait for you to be prez and to call you and be like "Sup Mr. President"
Ed: its gonna be so much fun when you are president
Ed: "President Bodell"
Ed: lol
Ed: Hell, even "Senator Bodell" has a great ring to it
Ed: "Governor Bodell"
Ed: "Judge Bodell"
Ed: "Principal Bodell"
Joe: "Trash collector Bodell"
Ed: "Inmate 29572"

Friday, November 20, 2009

I Don't Think That's How the Phrase Goes

"When you assume, you put me up your ass." -Annie

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It's All in the Name

Ed: Eric: the nutrageous bar you gave me is saving my life right now
Ed: my hunger level was over 9000
Brent: now where is it?
Ed: 4
Brent: that's NUTRAGEOUS!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Culinary Delights

Me: I have enough on my plate, this is for you to organize.
Brian: i thought you always cleaned your plate
Me: nope
Brian: what if there was bacon on it
Me: how much bacon?
Brian: 23 bacon units
Me: what is the conversion from bacon units to 8"x1" strips of bacon?
Brian: wouldnt you like to know

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Instant Laughs

Eric: Your registration of ohnoyourmoney.com for 1 year has been "processed."
Eric: er
Eric: quotes were meant around the whole thing, not the last word
Me: lol
Me: oh yeah, we 'processed' that order all right
John: some guy named reggie threw it in a pile
John: then went to lunch
Me: Oh that Reggie! /hands on hips
Me: /audience laffs

Monday, August 03, 2009

Food Products for 200, Alex

Me: I haven't even eaten all the first set of playdoh
Brian: yet!
Brian: maybe ill give you some bacon salt to season it with
Me: and baconaise?
Brian: no, i fear for your health
Me: really? even with my newfound focus on real foods and exercise?
Brian: that is all +3 health
Brian: baconaise is +20 death

Monday, June 29, 2009

On Categories

Brian: ahmeninejad got twitter
Brian: you should subscribe
Me: maybe
Brian: its probably something like "all is well, believe in allahs plan"
Me: put him in my "celebrity" group along with Wil Wheaton
Brian: they are similar
Me: totally

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Convervation of Mass and Energy

Leah: and once Joba gets on the mound this weekend, your ERA and WHIP will be sunk
Me: nuh uh Joba is the king
Leah: oh yeah? just like the yankees other two aces that are #1 and #2 in the rotation?
Me: Hey it's april, they're just getting warmed up
Leah: a man as heavy as sabathia shouldn't need warming up
Me: Are you kidding me? He's like a war machine, takes a crew of 5 to get him ready
Leah: he's got plenty of insulation from all those cheeseburgers he's been eating in the off season
Me: Well you need a lot of cheeseburgers to be that awesome

Alternative Means of Payment

The following conversation took place over Twitter direct messages:

Jason: PS, you still on for drinks tonight? 6/6:30?
Me: Of course dawg!
Me: dood what's your phone number?
Jason: 617-123-4567
Jason: but you may only call it if you're not going to bail
Me: What if I needed to get bailed out of jail?
Jason: Do they take nickels?
Me: We'll find out!

We then proceeded to get yelled at by an old guy at the restaurant who thought we sweared (swore?) too much. Good times.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Speeling

Me: not enough time to go out to baqck bay
Brent: I assume that's Klingon for Back Bay
Me: come on, the "q" is right next to the "a"
Brent: the fingers you have used, are too fat
Brent: to obtain a special dialing wand, please mash your keypad now
Me: wedfkp;ocseam,kcsea
Brent: osceam to you too sir
Me: osceam or ocseam?
Brent: shit didn't mean to misspell your misspelled word
Me: yeah get it rihgt

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

Ed: BOOM DE YADA
Eric: boom de yada!!
Brent: Boom De Yada.
John: BOOM HEADSHOT

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Fire Wire

John: Man on Wire would be a lot better if it were called Man on Fire
Brent: er
Brent: I'm assuming that's just a really bad joke
John: yes but he's on FIRE
Eric: The Wire would be a lot better if it were called The Fire
Eric: about an impossible-to-contain woodlands fire raging in California
Me: Man on Wire on Fire
Me: How about that shit
Me: now I have to sketch that

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard

Joe: Granderson at 15....hmm
Me: granderson is interesting
Joe: 20/20/20
Me: what is the third 20?
Joe: umm, I dunno
Joe: doubles?
Me: SB/HR/milkshakes?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Dad and Sister are Funny

Dad: did you hear about the monkey that went apeshit?

_______________________________________________

Dad: Joe namath was a great player, he was a bachelor, dating hot girls, handsome.
Me: like Tony Romo.
Dad: except he didn't suck.
_______________________________________________

Me: Why don't you stand? 
Kristina: No, cuz then I wouldn't be sitting

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Joe Buck Can Suck It!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This One Isn't Funny

Monday, February 09, 2009

It's All About the Food

Thursday, February 05, 2009

More Doodles

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Double Nerd Joke

Me, thinking: I'm making a note here.

Me, in Visual Studio: //HUGE SUCCESS

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Do Not Upset NAnt.

John: and I had the wrong version of log4net, which displeased NAnt
John: ugh
Me: I love that wording "and I had the wrong version of log4net, which displeased NAnt"
Me: NAnt: I see you are using version 1.2 of log4net. This displeases me.
John: that was the error message!
Me: oh man
Me: +2 to the nant developers for hilarity

Monday, January 05, 2009

Confusion Incarnate

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Joke That Nearly Killed Me

[After eating some of KO's pie]
Me: Man, this pie is so good it blew my pants off.
[I try to think up something better.]
Me: This pie literally irradiated my colon.