Exploration

Me: I have like 50 tabs open from all of this exploration
Me: if only i had time to distill the information into a blog post
Dan: /--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\/--\
Me: what?
Dan: 50 tabs. graphic rep.

On Secret Identities

[watching The Incredibles, when Helen gives her kids masks]
Me: You know, it's ridiculous that they think a tiny mask that covers only the area around the eyes would actually protect their identities. I mean, it's obvious who they are with the masks on.
Annie: [nods]
Me: Then again, all Clark Kent had to do was take off his glasses.

Gee, I'm a Tree!

Ed: so let me get all my chickens in line
Ed: or ducks in a row
Ed: or whatever the avian metaphor is

For Science!

"I'm just a dude, but science is probably right."

Forward Thinking

me: oh lol
me: look what I found
me: "string pattern = "200*.*"; // just this millenium, thanks"
me: its our 2k10 bug
me: I have no idea what that code does
me: but it doesn't anymore

[note: this conversation and code is from 2008]

Now With Less Stuff

Kristina: Hey, check out this chocolate bar! It's infused with air bubbles so it's lighter and more airy!
Me: So you paid the same amount for less chocolate?
Kristina: ... you just ruined my candy bar.

Owls are Old School

Ed: if harry potter live-tweeted the events of the goblet of fire, then fudge et al would have believed that voldemort was back, and shit would have been different
Ed: @TheChildWhoLivesLarge: Sweet, the Wizard's Cup. o wait, brb gt save @diggertous
Ed: @TheChildWhoLivesLarge: OK we're gonna touch the cup together #bffs
Ed: @TheChildWhoLivesLarge: oh fuck, it was a portkey, wtf are we
Ed: @TheChildWhoLivesLarge: brb @diggertous is ded, gt save myself
Ed: @TheChildWhoLivesLarge: oh noes, @scabbers is resurrecting @deathtomuggles #thisisnotgood

The Circle Is Complete

CrazyAl90: where did dogs come from?
edgesmash[work]: puppies
CrazyAl90: where do puppies come from?
got_milk: dogs

Quod Erat Demonstrandum

Joe: Occam's razor works in logic as well as software development
Joe: all things being equal, the simplest solution is the most correct.
Ed: Occam's Razor is kind of a tautology.
Joe: is not
Ed: is too
Joe: is not
Ed: is too
Ed: QED
Joe: SON OF A BITCH
Ed: loool
Joe: SUDO IS NOT

New Infants Are Funny

[Mia gives me a funny look]
Me: Don't look at me like that! I love you!

Total Horsehockey

Brent: what % juice are they?

Ed: one was 50, one was 10

Ed: cranberry and then some sort of apple/mango/pineapple hybrid shit

Brent: that's bullshit

Ed: agreed

No Cake-Walk

On child-birthing class:

Annie: And maybe you can meet some other new dads and make friends.

Me: I'm going to treat this like prison: I've gotta either kick someone's ass or become someone's bitch on the first day.

A New Brew

So, with the pregnancy and all, obviously Annie can't drink. But I can. I try to be sensitive and not drink beers she likes, but the other day, I found a Sam Summer in the back of the fridge. Not thinking, I grabbed it and started drinking. Annie saw me, and was not pleased.

Annie: Honey, that's not fair! You can't drink Sam Summer in front of me!

Me: I'm sorry, but honey, wait...

I retreated to the kitchen, and moments later, returned:

Me: It's not a Sam Summer, it's a Samuel Badams Stupid Ale!

A Matter of Perspective

Annie: What do you want to do tonight?
Ed: We could just sit and stare into each other's eyes lovingly.
Annie: Awwww!!!
Ed: But that gets boring fast.

Texts From a Christmas Party

Me: What are the names of the counselors from our youth group? They're here and I don't want to embarrass myself.
Bill: Doug and Kelly. Give them my regards. Sorry I never called back.
Me: Thanks. That's ok, I know you're a jerk. Your mom says hi.
Bill: We are at Grill 23 eating steak.
Me: You son of a bitch. I just had a kobe beef slider, but you're going to have a whole kobe beef steak.
Bill: Yeah not going to lie this place is amazing.
Me: Doug and Kelly say hi. Sue and Wendy say hi. Sue says you're a deadbeat

Facts of Life

"I don't know anything. Well, I know two things. I know I love you, and I know Cheetos are delicious. That's it." --Me, to Annie

Family Planning

Me: So I heard you're getting engaged.
Sally: So I heard you're making little Ed-babies.
Me: Well, it looks like we're all moving forward.

Aiming High

Ed: are you president yet?

Joe: working on it.

Ed: come on man

Ed: I can't wait for you to be prez and to call you and be like "Sup Mr. President"

Ed: its gonna be so much fun when you are president

Ed: "President Bodell"

Ed: lol

Ed: Hell, even "Senator Bodell" has a great ring to it

Ed: "Governor Bodell"

Ed: "Judge Bodell"

Ed: "Principal Bodell"

Joe: "Trash collector Bodell"

Ed: "Inmate 29572"

Culinary Delights

Me: I have enough on my plate, this is for you to organize.

Brian: i thought you always cleaned your plate

Me: nope

Brian: what if there was bacon on it

Me: how much bacon?

Brian: 23 bacon units

Me: what is the conversion from bacon units to 8"x1" strips of bacon?

Brian: wouldnt you like to know

Convervation of Mass and Energy

Leah: and once Joba gets on the mound this weekend, your ERA and WHIP will be sunk
Me: nuh uh Joba is the king
Leah: oh yeah? just like the yankees other two aces that are #1 and #2 in the rotation?
Me: Hey it's april, they're just getting warmed up
Leah: a man as heavy as sabathia shouldn't need warming up
Me: Are you kidding me? He's like a war machine, takes a crew of 5 to get him ready
Leah: he's got plenty of insulation from all those cheeseburgers he's been eating in the off season
Me: Well you need a lot of cheeseburgers to be that awesome