On Categories

Brian: ahmeninejad got twitter
Brian: you should subscribe
Me: maybe
Brian: its probably something like "all is well, believe in allahs plan"
Me: put him in my "celebrity" group along with Wil Wheaton
Brian: they are similar
Me: totally

Convervation of Mass and Energy

Leah: and once Joba gets on the mound this weekend, your ERA and WHIP will be sunk
Me: nuh uh Joba is the king
Leah: oh yeah? just like the yankees other two aces that are #1 and #2 in the rotation?
Me: Hey it's april, they're just getting warmed up
Leah: a man as heavy as sabathia shouldn't need warming up
Me: Are you kidding me? He's like a war machine, takes a crew of 5 to get him ready
Leah: he's got plenty of insulation from all those cheeseburgers he's been eating in the off season
Me: Well you need a lot of cheeseburgers to be that awesome

Alternative Means of Payment

The following conversation took place over Twitter direct messages:

Jason: PS, you still on for drinks tonight? 6/6:30?
Me: Of course dawg!
Me: dood what's your phone number?
Jason: 617-123-4567
Jason: but you may only call it if you're not going to bail
Me: What if I needed to get bailed out of jail?
Jason: Do they take nickels?
Me: We'll find out!

We then proceeded to get yelled at by an old guy at the restaurant who thought we sweared (swore?) too much. Good times.

Speeling

Me: not enough time to go out to baqck bay
Brent: I assume that's Klingon for Back Bay
Me: come on, the "q" is right next to the "a"
Brent: the fingers you have used, are too fat
Brent: to obtain a special dialing wand, please mash your keypad now
Me: wedfkp;ocseam,kcsea
Brent: osceam to you too sir
Me: osceam or ocseam?
Brent: shit didn't mean to misspell your misspelled word
Me: yeah get it rihgt

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

Ed: BOOM DE YADA
Eric: boom de yada!!
Brent: Boom De Yada.
John: BOOM HEADSHOT

Fire Wire

Greased Lightbox - Update available (v0.18)

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My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard

Joe: Granderson at 15....hmm
Me: granderson is interesting
Joe: 20/20/20
Me: what is the third 20?
Joe: umm, I dunno
Joe: doubles?
Me: SB/HR/milkshakes?

My Dad and Sister are Funny

Dad: did you hear about the monkey that went apeshit?

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Dad: Joe namath was a great player, he was a bachelor, dating hot girls, handsome.
Me: like Tony Romo.
Dad: except he didn't suck.

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Me: Why don't you stand? 
Kristina: No, cuz then I wouldn't be sitting

Joe Buck Can Suck It!

This One Isn't Funny