This Actually Happened.

Dad: Wow!
Mom: What? [silence] What?!
Me: He probably just found cookies or something.
Dad: Check it out, cookies!

It's Not All About the Weather

me: remember last year's disaster?
Darcelle J.: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?
me: ZING!
Darcelle J.: CHOCHANG

Mmmm Steak

Joe: so we're approaching the end of a medium-size kitchen remodel.
Me: I read that as "so we're approaching the end of a medium-size steak"

It's Amazing How It Works Like That

**Dec 8 4:45 PM **
Ed: whoa when did it become 4:45
Ed: about 1 minute ago?
John: yes!

Clarity

Brian: you've had a raptor, right?
Me: the hard drive? yes
Me: the dinosaur, no.

It's Like Dragon Heart

John L.: BOLD
John L.: I admire your courage. I think I will eat your heart.
Ed S.: no please don't I need my heart to pump blood and to love

Turkey or Regular?

Brian: hmm... wish i had thought of that
Brian: a bacon bible... nice
Me: is that a bible made of bacon or a book containing all the knowledge in the world about bacon
Me: because either is cool