Sulfur Hexa-what?

Sulfur hexafloride is a gas that is five times denser than air (meaning mainly oxygen and nitrogen). It has some interesting properties, like the fact that you can FLOAT A FUCKING BOAT ON IT! But even more awesome than that is the fact that inhaling it has the opposite effect on your voice from helium; it makes your voice sound like Darth Vader. Of course, you can also hurt yourself in the same way as helium. Wikipedia offers this warning:

"Although inhaling SF6 can be a novel amusement, the practice can be dangerous because, like all gases other than oxygen, the SF6 displaces the oxygen needed for breathing."

Ignoring the ambiguous subject, this could more hilariously be written like this:

"Although inhaling SF6 can be a novel amusement, the practice can be dangerous because, like all gases other than oxygen, it is not oxygen."

Who's the Man? I'm the Man!

We had our department ski trip last Friday and boy was I on fire! I had at least three totally hilarious moments, one of which was unintentional. Here they are in their hilarity:

One of my coworkers, John, was late to the bus in the morning. We tried calling him, but he didn't answer. Someone thought that he might be driving so fast he didn't want to pick up the cell phone. I said "Maybe he's driving so fast the cell phone waves couldn't keep up with him!"

Later, everyone was talking up how great lunch was going to be. I swear, it was like this lunch was going to be the end all be all! So when we sat down before lunch was ready, I said, "I'm going to be really disappointed if this lunch doesn't blow my pants off."

Then as we were eating lunch, a female coworker sitting next to me was pouring over a trail map. She said to me, "I'm trying to figure out where I've been." I thought she was asking me, so I replied, "I don't know where you've been." As I said it, I realized what I said and could barely contain my laughter. I looked up, and half the guys at the table were doing the same.

This Makes No Sense

AxAx: So there's some kind of weird math that was done
FxBx: more like gay math
Ed S.: more like weird gay weird math
FxBx: more like a gay dog that shits fractions
Ed S.: more like a weird gay fraction that shits gay dogs

That's About It

FxBx:I think the only subjects I haven't insulted and been pissed at are butterchurns and Interstate 75
Ed S.: FUCK INTERSTATE 75
Basil I.: don't fuck with butterchurns

Possibly a Sharpie?

FxBx: Tristam was the guy in final fantasy mystic quest
Ed S.: Noted.
FxBx: its very important!
Ed S.: Noted with permanent marker.

I Don't Get It

After getting stuck behind a slow-driving Nissan Quest, I got a little heated: "Quest? More like fuck!"

Commonsense Warning? Right Here, Guys

There is a story that goes along with this, but really, the end part is the only good part: Gold Bond Medicated moisturizing cream should have a label that says "Warning! Contains Menthol," meaning "Do not apply to balls."

Open To Interpertation

me: I smell fish poop
John: I smell tacos
me: same thing usually

DOGE

ExSx: I've resorted to eating tic tacs until food arrives
ExSx: 1.5 calories each
ExSx: ok that's 9 of them
ExSx: what's that
ExSx: 9 + 4.5 = 13.5
ExSx: damn
ExSx: I need to eat more.
ExSx: fuck I'm so minty

(post title taken from Machall)

IFOD

AxAx: sorry I'm back
AxAx: Opera was screwing up
AxAx: It was making everything people typed look like their name
FxBx: ahhh
ExSx: ExSx
KxDx: KxDx
FxBx: You guys are awful
FxBx: I mean
FxBx: FxBx
AxAx: :P