Perhaps only funny to me

I've been playing a lot of Dead Rising lately, though not as much as the compulsive-video-game-playing side of me would like. The past few days I've been stricken with a nasty cold, and my fiance has been trying to get me to take it easy. This was last night:

Annie: "Come on, you need to get your sleep!"
me: "But I want to kill more zombies!"

I'll take balloons for 400

Ed: alex trebek is trying to sell me life insurance
Ed: no sir
Eric: Wow
Eric: Did he give his sales pitch in the form of a question?
Ed: no it was an answer
Ed: he said "this will make sure your kids don't inherit debts"
Ed: and I shouted "WHAT IS COLONIAL PENN LIFE INSURANCE?!?!"
Ed: scared the cat half to death

Analogies R Us

Ed: proctor doctor served up a potato to pena
Ed: pena promptly baked it
Ed: put sour cream on it
Ed: and deposited it in the right field seats
Joe: what about bacon?
Ed: well, it was only a 1 run potato
Ed: you only get bacon on a 4 run potato

Not for the Faint of Heart

This past weekend I met up with my extended family for our annual family get-together/reunion. This was the first time I'd seen any of my family since getting engaged, so they threw us a mini party with an ice cream cake and champagne. My dad fired the cork off the deck and into the yard. My sister said I should go get it. I asked why. She said it was important. I said no. So she said, "What's up your butt?" I replied, "It's a cork!"