If you're a developer...

... then you might find this funny.

Gitmo, Massachusetts

John: I just got asked my a couple people if "I heard it was okay to leave"
Ed: that's like the 15-minute rule in high school
Ed: it's bullshit
Ed: No it's not fucking ok to leave
Ed: you work 9-5
Ed: YOU GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR AND I WILL SODOMIZE YOU WITH OUR FILE SERVER

I got the skillz, yo

So at work the other day, I return from lunch to sit down at my desk, and I promptly knock my 1-liter water bottle right onto my laptop, spilling at least .25 liters of water directly onto the keyboard. Luckily, the hard drive was ok, so Ben quickly swapped my hard drive into a working laptop and I was good to go.

I return to my cube and start telling Joseph about my fixed laptop when I notice something in my sleeve. I unbutton my sleeve and find a frigging sock in my sleeve! What the hell?!

A Fish Story

This is a story of a fish named Steve.

Annie and I went out to Kowloon Restaurant this past weekend. If you've never been, it's kind of a all-Asian restaurant. It has Szechuan, Polynesian, Hong Kong, Thai, Sushi, Cantonese, and even some American dishes. As such, the menu is huge (it's numbered, and the highest number I noticed was in the 500s). After quick some deliberation, I decided upon a Thai dish called Plu Ray Fish, or something like that. The dish contained fish with a hot pepper sauce, something that sounded delicious and different. Annie ordered some sort of chicken and vegetable dish, and we ordered an appetizer plate. The appetizers were great. Then, without fanfare, enter Steve, stage left.

I apologize for the poor photo quality; my cell phone camera sucks.

Apparently, I had neglected to read the entire description of the entree, specifically the part that read "whole fish". And so it came to Steve, on my plate, staring back at me in my seat.

Suffice it to say, I'm not a big fan of fish bones in my fish, and I lacked the eating skills to adequately separate meat from bone.

Trials and Tribulations

Annie: "What's wrong?"
Ed: "Grrr... this is hard."
Annie: "Oh, it's so tough being you."
Ed: "I need a shotgun."

Watch out parents

Ed: I am often the reason you see "ESRB Notice: Game experience may change in online play."

The Greatest Story Ever Told

This is not a classic funny story. This is The Classic Funny Story.

About four years ago, I was out at a diner once with my family in NJ (gotta love NJ diners) when we were handed the dessert menus. Looking through the menu, I saw an item I had never seen before: tiramisu. So I vocalized this: "Hmm, tiramisu." My mom, dad, and sister all instantly say "You wouldn't like that."

Now, you have to know a little bit about me. I usually don't like it when people tell me what I will and won't like based on parameters I don't know. For example, if someone tells me I won't like a particular entree because it has mushrooms, then that's cool. But if someone says "Oh, that, you won't like that" then I might get a little peeved.

So when my family told me that I wouldn't like tiramisu, I was a little peeved. I decided to show them: "How would you know? As a matter of fact, I love tiramisu. It's one of my favorite desserts." My sister, Kristina, didn't buy it: "Do you know what's in tiramisu?" I didn't, but I did know how to avoid the question: Hit her with another question. "Do you know what's in vanilla ice cream?" It worked, and I ordered my tiramisu.

As I stated, I had no idea what was in tiramisu. To understand my dilemma, you need to know one key fact:

I hate coffee and all things coffee.

When I took that first bite of espresso-soaked lady fingers with my family's eyes on me, it took every ounce of my strength to continue chewing unabated, smile, and say "Mmmmmm!" This time, my mother couldn't resist: "So, you like it, huh?" Hook, line, and sinker! "Of course I do, I love it!" They finally believed me when I finished the entire thing in three minutes (I had to eat it that fast or my taste buds would've revolted and marched on my brain).

So we go home, and all is well. However, I'm still a little annoyed at this whole tiramisu nonsense. That's when I decide to kick it up a notch. Everytime I ate out with my family I order tiramisu... for the next 1.5 years.

The strange thing is over those 18 months, I actually got to like the taste of tiramisu.

RUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marcus F.: every line is parallel
Marcus F.: from a certain point of you 

And Injustice Deliciously Squared

Most people have staples, pens, and other office supplies in their desk 
drawer. I got that... plus some.

/erg

Ed: /erg
Eric: I like that "erg" is an action
Ed: yeah
Ed: it is
Ed: to erg is to make the sound "erg"
Ed: to boldy erg where no one has erged before

I'll take Potpourri for $400, Alex

(note: this post has been sitting around as a draft pretty much since the beginning of this blog. I finally resurrected it, added to it, and submitted it for your approval. Bon appetit!)

In lieu of one relatively funny moment, I will provide you with several chuckle moments in Instant Messaging glory:

Lisa: I wish I could have a slice!
Me: I'll email you one.
__________________________

Lisa: I just ate most of the Lucky Charms.
Ed: finish them all, then pretend they never existed
__________________________

Brian: Totally going to hell
Brian: oh, yes
Ed: dude, you're jewish
Ed: no hell
Brian: laughed at a midget
Ed: that's required
__________________________

Brent: So the girl really is sick.
Ed: ahhh
Ed: well that's good, right?
Brent: It's less bad.
Ed: yeah

Return to the Ed dictionary

Two new words today. I can't take credit for the creation of either, but as I put solid definitions to them, I will claim credit anyway.

withinside, adj: of, relating to, or being completely and entirely contained in another object.

excelerated, adj: of, relating to, or being accelerated in the most excelled way.

The standard Ed-dictionary rules apply here; for example, the following sentence is legal usage and grammar:

"The conditions withinside the exceleratorama were grandeuricious."

Who's your mom?

Conversation about suggestions for new security questions. (BTW, I'm Smallpants McFry)

AA: Favorite pizza toppings hahaha
Slipnuts: First man killed
Smallpants M.: favorite actor from cheers
Eric M.: Coincidentally, the same guy
Smallpants M.: Most nuts slipped
Slipnuts: Oh no I fell down!
Slipnuts: I slipped on some nuts!

Emotions are running high

Eric: @_@
Ed: what does that emote mean?
Eric: Wide eyed, but also like...stunned, or weirded out?
Eric: Kind of abashed
Eric: it's an odd emote
Eric: You have to just feel it
Ed: hheh
Ed: sometimes I hate the intertubes
Ed: actually I was on the phone with my dad earlier
Ed: he has optimum online VoIP
Ed: and I have t-mo
Ed: and we were disconnected three times
Ed: once because of my phone and twice because of his
Ed: and I said "you know, before voip and cell phones, calls were never dropped"
Eric: @_@
Ed: and he was like "@_@"

Ed's Law #2

Idiot law: Everyone is an idiot until you get to know them, and then sometimes they're still an idiot.

I actually tried to prove this logically once, but instead proved that grass is blue, so my logic might've been flawed.