Koreodollars are Expensive

Brian: thats why we pay you the big bucks
Ed: you don't pay me anything
Brian: hmmm
Brian: then you should try less hard
Ed: I don't try hard
Brian: maybe if you tried harder we would pay you
Brian: low though... only 2 mil/y
Ed: eh
Brian: sorry, wasnt much space under the cap
Ed: well you know
Brian: its tough, signing jay and the conversion to koreodollars hurt us

You Shoulda Heard My First Idea

After a large fellow stepped out from behind a parked car, causing me to almost hit him, I said, "Hey fatty, get out of the way! Well, he's not that fat, but I'm going to call him Fatty McFatPants."

Maybe next time you could do a little research?

Ed S.: It's amazing how adaptable humans are.
John L.: We've got to be.
John L.: Or we'd still be living in caves in Africa
Ed S.: well we kicked ass in evolution.
John L.: Yeah, we sure did!
Ed S.: fuck you, monkeys
Ed S.: see ya later neaderthals
John L.: Adaptability is so easy, a caveman can do it!

This Just In: Fire Burns

From the CPSC newsletter:

"Jakes Fireworks Inc. Recalls Fireworks Sold by World Class Distributors Due to Burn and Injury Hazards"

Do I need to add anything?

Well, Is He?

I just got a wrong number by a 10 year old. Here was the entire conversation

Ed: Hello!
Kid: [background noise, voices]
Ed: Hello?
Kid: [pause] Hello?
Ed: Who's calling?
Kid: Is Ross there?
Ed: You have the wrong number.
Kid: [pause] Hello?
Ed: [angry] Hello?!
Ed's coworkers: [laughter]
Kid: Is Ross there?
Ed: You have the wrong number.
Kid: [background noises, voices]
Ed: [hangs up]

So I wrote a function to emulate his behavior:

public boolean IsRossThere() {
  string greeting = "Hello?";
  string query = "Is Ross There?";
  
  Phone.Say(greeting);
  If (Phone.Hear(anything) == True) {
    Phone.Say(query);
    If (Phone.Hear(yes) == false) {
      return this.IsRossThere();
    }
    Else {
      return true;
    }
  }
}

Burned!

Ed S.: I did my best Roger Clemens impersonation and gave up 21 runs in five innings

I was camping the spawns

John L.: Yeah, I'm concerned about the lore of the old peoples
Ed S.: I want that lorez
Ed S.: [Edgesmash has defeated Old Man] [Edgesmash gains loot: Lore]

And Now For Something Completely Different...

I feel a special connection to the eatery known as Boloco. A few years ago, when “The Wrap” transformed into Boloco (short for “Boston Local Company”), they had a free burrito day. My friends and I stormed the place and ended up with three or four burritos each. One friend posted the story to his blog, and the CEO of Boloco, John Pepper, commented on it. We had a lively discussion for a time. It was very nice to be able to discuss a company with the CEO.

Recently John Pepper has reached out again. Veronica De Zayas wrote in The Dartmouth that Boloco is unhealthy and dark and deceitful. John Pepper returned fire with his own OpEd piece, explaining Boloco’s position and offering free burritos on June 4th and 5th to anyone who prints out the OpEd piece and brings it to a Boloco.

Bravo, Mr. Pepper.

However, not all is well. I went to claim my free burrito today (this time, only one) and got a “Classic” with grilled chicken. My first bite was delicious. However, in the second I got some of the chicken. It was overcooked, somewhat tough and stringy. Ok, fine, I can live with that. Boloco was mega-busy with all the free-burrito seekers. But when I got to the end of the burrito, I bit down on something hard. After fishing it out of my mouth (always a frustrating task), I tried to determine what it was. The only thing that made any sense was that it was a chicken bone!

So now, I’m back down from the roller-coaster high of Mr. Pepper coming through again to being utterly dissatisfied with my burrito. I’m willing to give Boloco a pass, this one time, because they always try hard to appease everyone, and their burritos are usually delicious (not to mention their smoothies…. mmmmmmmm). But please, Boloco on Newbury Street in Boston, please remove your chicken bones before serving the chicken. Thank you.

It's How I Rid Myself of My Enemies

Ed S.: I wish you'd told me you were meeting, I'da come up
Ed S.: unless it was a No-Ed meeting
Ed S.: which I would understand.
Ed S.: I have No-Ed meetings all the time
Ed S.: I call them in remote sectors of the world and then not attend

Wordology

John L.: I forgot how to be productive
Ed S.: well you're in a situation that promotes unproductivity