Just Pry the Key Off

zegoggles1: ANY FUN WEEKEND PLANS PR0T
zegoggles1: OOPS CAPS
zegoggles1: OOPS
zegoggles1: oops
zegoggles1: there
zegoggles1: fIXED
zegoggles1: damnit
zegoggles1: fucking capslock

This is redonkulous!

I didn't get the memo: when did ginormous become a real word? Now I have to make use of other fake words. "Hugetastic", you just got promoted... "bigulous" has been called up from the minors.

It's a Trap!

Everyone always says that having a house is so great, homeownership is so rewarding, blah blah blah. Well I have come to discover that this is a SCAM! No one loves owning a home, but the all pretend to love it so that suckers like me go and buy their house! After you buy the house they're all like "lol pwnt".

Amazon Knows Me

Why is this recommended for me? Because I'm a goddamned fanboy that's why.

Jackpot!

"You guys do scratch tickets, but you don't do real lotteries, like the Mega Balls."

For the Good of the World

If you won't do it, then I will!

Oh Come On!

John pointed this out to me.

Introducing the Mandage

I've been working on my new house all weekend. Much of the time was spent fighting with the dishwasher, trying to avoid leaks. In the process, I cut myself on the tip of my right middle finger, right in the middle of my fingerprint. I didn't know where the bandaids were, and even if I did, I doubt a bandaid could hold up to the intense work I was doing. Solution?


I present to you the Man Bandage, or Mandage. I took a paper towel, wrapped it around my finger, tore some packing tape off a nearby box, wrapped the tape around my finger, and shabooya! I had an industrial-strength bandage.

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

Ed: what does soon mean
Arthur: you guys need to keep your pants on
Arthur: within the next 10 min
Ed: my pants never left me
Ed: do you take your pants off to eat?
Arthur: depends on where im going
Ed: good point
Arthur: you're a good point
Ed: that's what she said
Arthur: why would she say that
Arthur: SHE must be retarded
Ed: she = your mom
Arthur: me = stabbing you
Arthur: with a rusty blunt object
Arthur: in the eye