Scheduling conflict

I had a conference call/meeting today with a few people. This kind of meeting hadn't happened in months, and one of the parties involved said they'd like to make the meeting semi-regular. I wasn't terribly excited about the prospect; this particular type of meeting is somewhat tedious.

Coworker: "Well, we could make this a monthly meeting."
Me: "Uh, I'm busy then."

It got a good laugh. Reading it now, though, I don't think it's that funny. Oh well. You live by the funny, you die by the funny.

Sensual overload

My XBox 360 arrived at work today. It was pretty anti-climactic, since I couldn't really set it up at work... and I didn't buy any games for it yet either, so even if I could set it up, it would've been pretty boring. So I opened the box and smelled it.

Damn, it smelled good.

(Edit: fixed the title)

Unfortunate Circumstances

My girlfriend and I were visiting her friend who lives directly below us. The two girls got to talking about another friend's bachelorette party that was coming up. My girlfriend said, "I gotta set up the pin-the-penis-on-the-sexy-man game."

Me: "Wow... that's a bummer for that guy."

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Walking to work every morning, I would hear these people yelling "Free Harold! Free Harold!" I assumed that this "Harold" had been imprisoned for some unmentionable offense. Finally one day, leaving work, I heard a different person yelling "Harold is free! Harold is free!" I had the urge to get caught up in the moment and shout "Everybody celebrate! Harold has been freed!"

At which point I noticed a man handing out newspapers. Turns out the Boston Herald is frequently distributed free of charge.

You may have noticed I changed the Blogger header from blue to black. You may also have noticed the changes I made to the right sidebar. If not, please notice that I changed the Blogger header from blue to black and the changes I made to the right sidebar.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

Something I said yesterday to my girlfriend in all honestly:

"Ok, I'll try to be a little more jealous."

It was well received.

City morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em

I was at a friend's place for much of St. Patrick's Day evening. We hung out and drank and had a good time. My girlfriend asked where the friend's roommate was.

Drunk Friend: "He's probably out."

Me: "Or dead."

Everyone nodded as if this was an actual possibility.

...

So I just haven't really been that funny lately. It's kind of depressing.

I have said some mildly humorous things on my friends' and my "work spam" email list. About five of us (though it's expanding) send each other emails during the work day about the randomest crap.

For example, one of my friends is politically active and lives in Minnesota. He asked us all to vote on this online poll for who the next democratic candidate should be. He told us who to vote for but there was a candidate on the list named "Ole Savior". We all voted for Ole Savior instead, then we got to talking about how awesome Ole Savior is. Some of the lines were somewhat (or entirely) stolen from the Vin Diesel random facts page, but some are hilarious. Here:

ole savior invented the spear
Premier of Venezuela = Ole Savior
ole savior invented penecillin. Twice.
ole savior once ate an entire telephone just because he didn't like the way it rang at him.
ole savior's middle name is ole savior.
Ole Savior makes up 80% of the matter in the universe.

And the longest:
ole savior created a programming language called Bologna. It was such an amazing programming language that he decided he was the only person who should know how to write in Bologna. He wrote a programming language called C and massacred everyone who knew Bologna. a random person walked by after the massacre and saw lots of slaughtered bodies and a torn sheet of paper, stained with blood and the word 'Bologna' at the top. This random person happened to own a meat-packing plant that had fallen on tough times. He gathered up all of the bodies, put them into the plant, and called his new meat 'Bologna'.

So I guess I should tell you...

I started my old new job last week. I worked a week, and it just wasn't a job that interested me at all. Meanwhile, my old company contacted me and wanted me back. So I jumped ship.

(Sidenote: if you can avoid quitting a job after 1 week, please do. It sucks on many levels. Not funny.)

So on Friday, what would turn out to be my last day, I was waiting around at 5:30 for the day to end. Suddenly, a coworker comes out of nowhere and invites me to grab a drink at the local pub. I try to politely refuse, stating that my girlfriend was coming to pick me up at 6. He insisted to inaugurate my joining by having at least one drink. No choice left, so I go.

We get there, order drinking, and he raises his glass, saying "Here's to your first week!" And I thought, "And my last."

What is slightly more funny is that I owed my boss $3 and I never paid her. Oops.

Two short stories

I just decided not to tell the first story because it's not appropriate. Sorry guys.

Second short story: After a lunch meeting at work today, I was talking to a few coworkers. I had to sneeze, so I turned away and sneezed, covering my mouth with my hand/forearm. I looked back at my friends and said, "I've got sneeze on my arm."

In unrelated news, I have taken a new new job (technically, a new old new job). So I'm back at the first job. Yay craziness.

Power of Mind

Today was my fantasy baseball draft. The members of my league have drifted to the far corners of the continential US (is "continental" supposed to be capitalized in this case?), so our live drafts are now online. That doesn't stop most of us from drinking much booze during the event. I proceeded to join the festivities, and before I knew it, I was pretty tanked. After the draft, I laid down on the bed and started watching TV.

My girlfriend came in a few minutes later and said something to me along the lines of "oh you're so cute laying there in your drunken stupor" and went to give me a hug. Well, as soon as she placed her arm on my stomach, I felt a desire to expel the entire contents of said stomach. I'm not sure if I've ever been clearer:

"Please watch the stomach. It's full of stuff."

Oops

I turned off the surge protector in my room over Christmas vacation so I wouldn't waste electricity. This caused the CMOS battery to drain, and I had to reset all of my BIOS. I'd done some moderate overclocking before for about a 5-10% gain, so I wanted to reinstitute that.

I set it all up, but then my computer would crash after about 1 minute of running any game. I was flipping out, changing all sorts of settings. It finally dawned on me that I had acccidentally set my FSB speed about twice of its maximum speed. Oops.

That's not really that funny, but it drove me nuts. I was swearing and throwing stuff everywhere. I'm glad I didn't break anything.

Classic: This time, with feeling

Classic funny moment (though it's pretty nerdy):

At marching band practice one October afternoon senior year of high school, the assistant director (AD) asked what our dynamic (i.e. how loud we should play, e.g. forte, piano, mezzo-piano) was. A few people muttered something, but the AD couldn't hear, so he asked again. A few people spoke up louder, but the AD shouted "What is your dynamic?!"

I thought this was one of those games music directors sometimes play; when you're supposed to play loud they want you to yell back the dynamic so that you understand what loud means. Then I decide to be a leader and shout back a dynamic. "Forte!" (means loud).

He shouts back, "NO!! It's mezzo-forte!" (literally "medium-loud", softer than forte). I shrunk to about two feet and didn't say anything for the rest of the day.

Yay for employment

So I'm back. I got a job. WOO. That means I can afford to pay to do my blog.

Wait, this is a free blog.

Well, whatever, I'm sticking to my guns.

So, with that, I bring you the latest funny moment, plus a classic funny moment or two.

I was laying in bed with my girlfriend after a midafternoon nap (we had had to get up early that morning) and she says she's going to get up to see her friend who lives on the floor below us.

Annie: "But first I'm gonna change my pants."
Ed: "Why, did you pee in them?"